Barney and Parents
by p.e. mall
Summary: Its just another normal day for Barney... Until his PARENTS show up. His dad, Jerry, loves to eat kids. His mom, Samantha, its terrified and allergic of them. Yep, just another typical day for the purple dinsosaur.
1. Meet the Parents

"Won't you say you love me too!" Barney finished his song as the kids hugged him.

"Barney!" Someone shouted. "And _kids_."

Barney turned around and found two humongous purple dinosaurs staring at him. "Mama, Papa, you're here!"

Barney's parents' mouths dropped open in awe. "We told you I'm terrifired and allergic to kids! Look at my stomach! Its green!" Barney's mom, Samantha, started screaming. Meanwhile, Barney's dad, Jerry, licked his lips and looked hungrily at the kids. Barney noticed and smacked his dad in the face.

"For someone who works with kids, you sure set a bad example," Barney's dad muttered.

"I give a very good example to the children on how to love! You people never even gave me love. I'm giving these children something that I never got or experienced!" Barney yelled.

"Yo, Barney, sup!" B.J shouted. "Who are those oldies over there? Anyways, I brought Baby Bop!" He pointed at a girl dinosaur who was clutching a yellow blankie.

"Ah!" Samantha squeaked. "Who is that rude lad?"

"Anyway," Jerry began, eyeing the kids on the playground," We came to take you home." Just then a little four year old ran up to Barney. She was sucking on a lollypop.

"Barney, is that your mommy?" Janie began.

"Arrrrrgghh!" Barney's mother yelped in fright. She ran up to the huge oak tree near by and was soon at the very top. "Get that thing away!" She screamed.

"Sure thing, sweetie." Barney's dad licked his lips and made his way over to Janie.

"DAD!" Barney cried. "Janie, run!" But of course, the stubborn four year old decided to stand and stare.

"BIIIIIIG dinoshaur," she said, wide eyed.

"RAWR!" Barney's dad tried to scare her- however, Janie just started to have a giggle fit. Barney's dad kept on roaring but only ended with Janie having a bigger giggle fit. Exasperated, Jerry just gulped her down without chewing. Barney started to cry- Janie had been eaten!

All of a sudden, Janie started giggling again. "Your daddy has a big swimming pool in his stomach, Barney!"

This angered Barney's father. "Being eaten is not FUN! It is SAD, not FUN! Start crying, little girl! Cry! CRY NOW!" Barney's dad started stomping his feet.

"Dad, how could you!" Barney cried. "What do I tell her parents?"  
>"Tell Mommy I go swim, swim in dino!" Janie giggled from inside the stomach.<p>

"Barney, sweetie," Barney's mom started. She had come down from the tree and was now standing next to Jerry. "Don't worry. I'm sure your father wouldn't mind eating them too!"

While all that happened, BJ and Baby Bop had been watching with wide eyes. Baby Bop had been hugging her blankie tightly.

"You know, we're classified as kids," BJ whispered to Baby Bop. "You don't think he'll eat us too?"

"Lets get out of here," Baby Bop whispered back. They slowly backed out.

"Relax," Barney shouted back at them. "He only eats human kids."

"Thank you," Baby Bop gasped.

"Aaachhooo," Samantha sneezed. "This place is kid infested." She sneezed again. "I better take my allergy medication." She started doing the hokey pokey.

"What the-?" Barney and Baby Bop said together. "I don't know much about allergies, but that's crazy."

"Well," Jerry began, "If a dinoraur is allergic to something, then their stomach turns green. Barney is allergic to platns so his stomach is usually green."

BJ watched as Samantha's green stomach slowly turned pink. "Woah," he said as she danced the ridiculous hokey pokey.

"Since kids like to do the hokey pokey, she does that to help her fear and allergies," Jerry finished.

"Well, someone should have told me about my allergies!" Barney sighed. "So, dad, what cures my allergies?" He questioned with squinty eyes.

"Well, you have to –" Jerry was interrupted.

"I'm swimming, I'm swimming, in a humongous swimming pool, 'cuz I got eat, got eaten, by a big daddy dinosaur named Jerry!" Janie sang while paddling in his stomach.

"You're making my stomach queasy!" Jerry exclaimed, and then threw up and spilled Janie out.

"Awww! My pool is gone, now how do I play?" Janie whined.

"Come one," Barney assured her, "I'm sure you'll be able to find something to do!" Barney's reassuring words put a smile back on the little girl's face.

"He really does have a gift with the children, doesn't he?" Samantha laughed to Jerry. "Well, eat all the children as a punishment to Barney! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha –" Samantha attempted to laugh evilly but ended up coughing. "I really have to work on my laugh."

Frantically, Barney started yelling. "Run away, children, run away as fast as you can!"

The children squealed and started to sing. "Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch us- we're the gingerbread kids!" They sang, not caring that it didn't rhyme. All the children started to run around in circles giggling and squealing with all their might. Barney calmed down a little bit knowing the children were running around a little bit. All of a sudden, they started holding hands and singing, "Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posy, ashes, ashes, we all fall down!" They fell down and started giggling even more.

Jerry was enraged. "WHY ARE ALL THESE CHILDREN GIGGLING AND HAVING FUN? THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING! THEY SHOULD BE CRYING INSTEAD!"

"Is that what you did when you were kids?" Barney asked.

"Yes!" Samantha replied.

"Well, I taught these kids how to have fun, and myself to have fun with them!" Barney yelled back at his parents.

The children started crying.

"Oh, Barney can make then cry, but I can't," Jerry grumbled. "Talk about an unfair world!"

"Why are you crying, kiddos?" Barney asked gently.

"Barney is being mean and yelling at old people. Barney told us _not_ to be mean and yell at old people. Why, Barney?" The children cried.

"Oh!" Samantha squeaked. "More people think we're old, honey. I told you we should have stopped at the spa or gotten plastic surgery, but you didn't listen to me, did you?"

"Sorry that you're old. Deal with it!" Jerry yelled at Samantha.

She gasped indignantly. "I am not OLD!"

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Oh well! We'll be at the spa, Barney!" Samantha yelled.

"First, though," Jerry said menacingly, "We are going to take you home and you're never coming back here- ever!"

"What? No!" Barney cried. "This is my life!"  
>"Well, too bad," Jerry said.<p>

"Come one, guys, to the spa!" Samantha yelled giddily.

"I'm not going to the spa!" Barney screamed. "No, no, no!"

"Oh, you're coming!" Samantha screamed. "You're almost thirty, honey, you're getting old."

Barney froze. "Excuse me?"

"Son, face the facts. You're getting old!" Jerry explained. "You must go to the spa!"

Together, Jerry and Sam lugged the struggling Barney into town but Barney was stronger than they expected. About four blocks from the the spa, Barney broke free and ran towards the park. "Don't worry, kids, I'm coming!" He screamed.

"Honey, he sure does love those kids," Jerry said.

"That's why he didn't want to come to the spa," Samantha realized.

"Oh well," Jerry sighed. "We're still taking him back to the farm."

"Definitely," Samantha agreed.


	2. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Barney reached the house but it was already nine and night. Most of the kids were stargazing, but some were singing.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_ How I wonder what you are?_

_ Up above the clouds so high,_

_ Like a diamond in the sky,_

_ Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_ How I wonder what you are._

They giggled and then started again.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_ How I wonder what you are…_.

Barney's mom came up behind Barney. "Ohh, we should sing the ABC's," She cooed. "That's my favorite song!"  
>"Ummmm," Barney began.<p>

"WHAT?" Samantha yelled.

"I don't know my ABC's," Barney muttered.

"WHAT?" His parents screamed. Even the kids turned around to stare. "Barney!" The cried, "We sing it everyday!"

"I thought you went to Harvard!" BJ screamed.

"I did, but college doesn't teach you the ABC's!" Barney said defensively.

"Do you at least know how to read or write?" BJ pushed.

"Of course I do, I just don't know the actual order or names of the letters, except for A and I," Barney admitted.

"We'll teach it to you!" Baby Bop grinned.

"It has the same tune as 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'," Samantha said.

"Oh, that song. I thought it was just 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' with random letters and sound placed inside instead of words." Barney laughed.

"Come on," Janie said. She tool Barneys hand- claw, paw, whatever- and started singing.

"_A B C D E F G_,"

BJ and Baby Bop took over. As they sang, Baby Bop held up flash cards.

"_H I J K L M N O P_."

Benny and Lily took over from there. "_Q R S, T U V, W X, Y and Z_,"

And then everyone else joined in.

"_NOW I KNOW BY A-B-C'S, NEXT TIME WON'T YOU SING WITH ME_!"

Soon, Barney was singing along and actually understanding it.

"Hey, honey," Jerry said. "If I eat the kids, maybe Barney'll forget about them!"

"Okay," Samantha said. "I like that plan."

Jerry stomped towards the kids and in two gulps every single kid was gone.

"Janie! Benny! Josh! Lily! Ava! Billy! Joan! Sally!" Barney moaned.

"You'll get over them." Samantha tried to comfort her son.

"And this is the swimming pool!" Everyone heard Janie say from inside Jerry. Barney just wept louder.

"Oh, this is the waterslide I made," she went on.

"POOL PARTY!" Everyone heard eleven year old Ava scream. "I even have my phone! We can play music!" Soon all the kids were jumping and swimming around inside Jerry.

"I feel nauseous," Jerry gulped. His face turned from purple to green. He couldn't take it anymore and barfed the kids up.

"Awww," all the kids moaned sadly. Barney went and hugged all the saliva covered kids.


	3. We're Going to Wisconsin!

The next day, Barney was eating breakfast when his parents walked in holding suitcases.

"You guys leaving?" Barney asked. He sighed in relief. Finally things would go back to normal.

"No. We are ALL leaving!" Samantha cried excitedly.

"WHAT?" Barney shouted.

"We're leaving- and we're taking you with us!" Jerry explained.

"NOOOOO!" Barney cried. "I WON'T GO!"

His parents ignored him. "Pack your bags, sweetie. We're going to Wisconsin!" Samantha squealed.

Barney knew he couldn't live without the kids, so he decided he would kidnap them.

"Mom, can you get the Suitcase X-50 for me? Please? So I can fit everything I need to into it?" He showed her a magazine.

"Sure, honey- you must not have a lot of things for a 1cm x 3cm x 0.5cm case," She wondered.

"Mom, the Suitcase X-50 is a tiny suitcase with the space of a human gym inside!" Barney exclaimed. "Its, like, the latest suitcase!"  
>"You sound just like a girl!" Samantha rolled her eyes.<p>

"Come one, kids, I have exciting news! Barney hushed. All the children gathered around him, excited to hear his news. "I am going to be kidnapping you guys!"

"WHAT?" The children cried.

"Relax, I'm just going to take you to live with me and my parents," Barney assured.

"But we wanna live with our own parents!" The children whined.

"Well then, I guess you leave me with no choice but to…. KIDNAP YOU!" Barney laughed evilly but ended up coughing. He stuffed all the children into his Suitcase X-50 and happily strutted to his parent's car, exclaiming, "I'm ready to go to Wisconsin!"

"Well, someone's happy," Samantha cried out gleefully. "Lets get going!"

They all sat in the car and Jerry turned the car on on and backed it out onto the street. All of a sudden, the car started to sputter and stopped. Jerry went to thea hood of the car to check it out. Barney then decided to press the gas pedal and ran his father over.

"Card's working again!" Barney yelled.

"Great!" Jerry replied nonchalantly from under the car as if nothing had happened. By the way, we're equal. You ran me over and I forced you to leave."

They continued on their way to Wisconsin.

"Barney, your room is the first room on the right," Samantha said. They had arrived at the farm and an excited Barney had hopped out. He grabbed his suitcase and ran up to his room. Perfect, Barney thought. The room was totally big enough for all thirteen kids, plus himself. He opened up the suitcase and all the children came out.


End file.
